im feeling so lonelyyy... i could diee.

hahas ive been wathcing happy feet lately. i think that its such a sweet showww. penguin finding a way to prove his own selfworth. it really touches one's heart hahas. okayys im not much of a movie critic. but i felt that it taught us a few rather important lessons.

time
a fleeting linger
a myraid of pain and joy
a plethora of time
ability to sustain or annihilate
heals all wounds
a facade and anaesthetic
keeps world spinning
overrides fate
is money
is plentiful
is what we must treasure

hahas verbal diarrhoea. i wonder if anyone will ever find out the existance of this blog. i dont really like people reading my blog. hahas. but im too lazy to keep a diarty too!. so yeahh. blogs a best way.

i feel that im leading such an aimless life. its like im just lignering around. waiting for live to cease my existance. i wondered about whether anyone would remmeber me if i died. i wondered if anyone would remember my birthday or deathdate. i duno how many i can claim to be my friends. but i only received like 2 presents so far. from people that i treasure alot. i really felt like crying. my class didnt even bother. not a single one wished me happy birthday. not a single one remembered ME. i really felt the need to be accepted. its not about presents. i can easily find them myself its just the need for you to know that there are people who care and bother about your puny existnace. no birthday cards. i lived my entire 18 years of my life and no one remmebered my birthday in advance. i thank god there are people like max and kimberle who bother to remember. and i really treasure them alot. i hope i do. im bleeding emotionally. my classmates dont bother at all. i hate them. i wont remember any of them in the future. i wont. i swear if i ever become successful. ill crush all of them. crush them like a puny little cockroach!. but thats what i felt them do to me. noone cared whether iturned up for sch or not. no one cared whether i felt left out or not. i was always the outcast. and well. ill be successful in life and show them!. you bastards.

i see you sleeping right next to me. your innocent face. your peaceful loook. yet within you. you are never arest. i really duno how to help you. i really care for you i realy do. theres alot of things that i sacrificed for you. but u never noticed them. there are many tiny actions that i did while caring for you. but you didnt notice them. i duno whether smtimes im being taken for granted or not. but i told myself. i cant blame you. your only 16. im 18.of coz its only right i care for you. but i feel that im emotionally mcuh weaker den you are. thats probably one of the reaosns why im always stuck in relationships and breaking out from them. i need the security that i need. i really hope that i can feel secure and live life feeling happy. thats all now im tired. ha